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HARRIS & "UNCLE SAL"
WANT YOU, THE READER!
“Uncle”
Sal's Vows to “Whack the Recession”
With
the Recession deepening weekly and tensions high. Authorities
are seeking long time “made man” who calls himself
“Uncle” Sal who seems to be creating a massive
new crew with the likes of “Gas Can Harris”
and “Popcorn The reader” around the
country. Rumors have surfaced that there’s a BIG JOB
underway that’s going to cause some serious ripples
in Washington and all over the country.
In
efforts to calm the nerves of citizens, The White House has
issued a statement that tells the American people to go on
over to WalMart and buy themselves a nice new toaster oven.
Wallet-sized photos of Uncle Sal, Gas Can Harris,
Popcorn The reader and the rest of the Recession
Renegades are being distributed in neighborhoods across the
country.
Meanwhile
banks continue to close and Wall Street remains as jittery
as a crack fiend looking for its next fix. Analysts are concerned
that if the FBI and Department of Homeland Security don’t
do something to stop
the efforts of the so-called
“Recession Renegades”, that pandemonium could
result. Officials within those departments, when reached for
comment pointed to a larger investigation already underway
that only the President himself can speak of.
The efforts appear to be related to a much larger initiative
that FBI officials are calling dubbing operation "Whack
The Recession". National media attention has more
than doubled in the past week and Sal’s so called “Recession
Renegades” are growing in number by the day. “Uncle
Sal” is unavailable for questioning. And neighbors of
“Gas Can Harris” say that Gas Can
was always so helpful before --- mowing neighbors lawns ---
trimming bushes --- and helping the elderly cross the street.
While friends and family members of “Popcorn The reader”
weren't at all surprised.
The media points
to a general unrest in the country fueled by the relentless
rise of energy and food prices, steep declines in home prices
and record consumer feelings of disappointment with everything
around them. Concern grows that this could become an all
out national movement for change, and we all know that presidential
hopeful, Barack Obama, has the market cornered on "Grassroots
Movements" and "Change".
So, if "Uncle
Sal", “Gas Can Harris”,
and “Popcorn The reader”, aren't
careful - they're gonna start something that nobody can
finish.
